When abandonment issues bring fear and stress with (or instead of) love and bonding, there are five crucial steps for healing.
Abandonment issues make it quite difficult to have fullfilling relationships. Going through life with UNfulfilling relationships is NOT necessary.
Fear of abandonment often creates patterns
where you attract "abandoners".
Or you become one.
The real kick in the pants is that fear and insecurity become the reality you live, become a self-fulfilling prophesy, become the fatal flaw in what may be real love.
What happens in your body when you feel fear?
• I freeze or go numb
• I worry a lot
• I don't play/be fun
• I escape/avoid
• I'm tense
• I'm too serious
• I stop breathing
• I'm tied in knots
• I attack
Pause and take a look at yourself, a compassionate look. See yourself struggling and how it affects your life - your sense of self, your ability to feel whole. Your ability to have happy, inter-dependent relationships. Your ability to attract fully available people.
is it that keeps creating painful relationships? Or blocks them from the start? The answer is unique to each person. Yet at the same time, there are many
common issues that we share.
Which negative beliefs support your abandonment issues?
are thoughts that you take to be true...and of course, they do seem
true. Your beliefs have a huge (and I mean HUGE) influence on your
experiences. However, your beliefs and experiences CAN CHANGE.
If you seek to break a pattern you see in your self, you will have to go deeper than romantic relationships. It is likely a pattern that began in your childhood.
I had no idea that I had these sorts of issues until my late 40s - in my THIRD marriage! Isn't it odd, how something so deep and painful, that colored my entire life, was invisible to me?
Intense feelings around abandonment trigger unconscious survival reactions. Very painful, uncontrollable reactions.
It doesn't get much bigger than this. These issues are entwined with being HUMAN. We are built to bond! A lot of suffering revolves around bonding and even if you were never "technically" abandoned, there are countless ways that life and relationships create insecure women and men.
By Laura Frisbie, M.Ed.